Throwback Thursday 3.10.16

Here is a poem I wrote in the Spring of 2009.

Here is also an excellent example of why I don’t claim to be a poet.

Look… I was in an unhappy place okay? Just remember that before you explode with laughter.

Who’s idea was it to post old writings for Throwback Thursdays? Oh, mine.

A hold

built upon foundations of endurance.

Stone walls of strength

protecting the determination inside.

But, wishes leak through.

A fortress of “what is”

can weaken by a crack of “what could be”.

How easily the fortress falls

when fractured by desperation.

 

Throwback Thursday 2.25.16

This was part of a 30 day letter writing challenge I did on a blog I used to have. On July 18th 2010 I was to write to a stranger. This is what I said:

Hello, Stranger:

I’m not really sure what to say to you. Being as I don’t know you, I have no idea as to your interests. I could tell you about myself. Although, I’m not sure what good that’ll do you. I’m not sure what good that will do me either. 

What do you believe in? For you, what’s worth fighting for? I’m always intrigued by other’s ideas and notions. What’s most important to a person teaches me far more than “what do you do for a living?” Quite often our occupation is what’s there, not who we are. 

I work in retail. It’s not what I “do”. It’s what I tolerate so I can have food and a car. See? You didn’t learn much about me there, did you? Oh well. It’s not as though you’re going to write back. 

Do you believe in Destiny, Stranger? I do. I’m not really sure how it’s helping me, but I believe in it. I wish on stars, too. Although, lately, I’ve only stared at them. No wishing. I’m trying to give up wishing. It’s no good. Every dandelion, first star, 11:11, necklace chain and penny in a fountain wish has proved false. I never expected the wish to magically materialize before my eyes. I only thought that maybe putting that hopeful energy into the world would make things a little lighter. 

But, alas, it did nothing.

Interesting how one can say things to a stranger and feel alright with it. I don’t know if you’re even listening. Doesn’t really matter, though, does it?

Goodbye, Stranger. Lovely chat.

Look How Far We’ve Come

Fortune-Favors-the-Bold

Kevin is about being brave enough, and wise enough, to change who you are. If you don’t mind, I’d like to share with you the beginnings of Kevin, and in the process, me.

This book has been an odd journey. I actually wrote it almost five years ago. The first draft took me three days. It needed out. I originally intended it to be a companion piece for a full novel about one of the other characters within the story. However, Kevin took shape faster and easier than planned. So, here he is. I’m now hoping to write other books along the same story arc. I just love the concept. Any who, I was in a weird place when writing this. I was depressed. I had no job, no money, no real friends. I lived with my grandmother (who I will cherish for the rest of my days, she’s a gem of a woman). I sat in the basement, a prisoner to the TV, all the live long day. My life was nothing, and going nowhere. I was struck with an idea for a book about Earth being a prison for another planet. I put together some bullet points for a plot, set up some character profiles, and started an outline. Then, I lost motivation. Not an uncommon problem when you’re so… done with life. That’s what I was. I was almost done with life. I had given up the idea of being a person. I was going to die alone, in that basement, and it really didn’t matter. I didn’t matter.

While scrolling through the internet one afternoon, I saw an ad for a writing contest. Write a sci-fi or fantasy story. Win money. I figured that was easy enough. So I tinkered away at my “sci-fi” idea and came up with Kevin, a prequel novel for my longer, more in-depth piece I’d get around to writing eventually.

The story spewed out of me. I didn’t have to think. It was like Kevin wrote itself, and I just had to transcribe it.

I never did enter it into the contest. I let my mom read some of it. A few other people over the years read bits and pieces. My cousin said it needed to be made into a movie. All very nice things to say about a dinky little sci-fi piece.

Fast forward some years and here I am. Living, working, in love with a brilliant Bulgarian, and publishing the story I’m so proud of, yet scared to set free. My depression is managed. I’m thriving, not merely living. THAT’S why Kevin has to make its way in the world now. I know I’ll never be able to write with this tone again. I’m not who I was five years ago. I broke the chains of mental disease and clawed my way into a life I’m happy with. A life I’m choosing. So, Kevin is representing my step forward into a real life.

Now, we’re both free.